you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
