I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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