The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
