Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
