I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
