so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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