Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
