I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
