I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
