very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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