she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
