Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
