did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
