I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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