I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
