Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
