Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
