Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
