they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
