Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
