cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
