I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
