it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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