How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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