please come you make the beer taste better
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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