Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
