im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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