Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize