so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
