how can u be prego again
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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