Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I puked a lego.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I touched a dick in church today
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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