that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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