Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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