It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
