I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
