her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
