Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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