I just made out with a guy for $7.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
