P.S. I can't hear my feet
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize