If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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