Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
