I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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