I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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