That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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