i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
