WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
