Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize