Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There r osticjed everywhere
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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