I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
