Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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