how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
