Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I will be naked everywhere
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You have to summon your inner elephant
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
