need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
