Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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