I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
