mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize