my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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