Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
