dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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