It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
