3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
