I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
