Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
party gras won. party gras always wins.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
