Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I will die if light touches me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
