I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Randomize
