got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
