im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
