Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize