mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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