she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize